Letting myself down

So when I first started out my journey as an island teacher, I had so many expectations for myself and for my students.  While I was student teaching and the summer before I left, I had grand dreams of what I would be able to accomplish.  I dreamed I would be an amazing teacher, a teacher who made a significant change in the lives of my students.  I pictured myself as doing it all, going to the moon, and then some.  I planned out large, elaborate, projects that would require logic, perseverance, cross cultural connections, and just plain awesomeness.  For example, I pictured my students making children's books.  They would have to write the story line, incorporate many different literary techniques, and finally become masters of their own learning.  I even bought those white, blank, hard cover books, with so many great ideas waiting to be written.  Maybe it was the first year big dreams, or my expectations didn't meet reality, or maybe I just didn't have a clue.

And during the year, while I was teaching, watching, observing, making lesson plans, and completing my WorldTeach TEFL course load, I realized that my dreams were way too unrealistic.  I felt like my students were at this point (imagine my left hand at the level of my shoulders) and I dreamed they would be here (now imagine the other hand at the level of my forehead/top of my head).  At first I was angry.  Why weren't my students up to this level?  Why didn't they know the basics?  Why did I think that they would be able to accomplish such great, Noble Prize things?  Why did I let myself think like that?

That was the one point I didn't understand.  Was I too unrealistic?  I received a harsh reality check, rather fast, and then I felt that I let myself down.  I felt that I wasn't being a good teacher.  I was letting myself down and therefore letting my students down because I assumed that they would all be up to the level of my imagination and ridiculous expectations.  I was failing and falling super fast.  And then I had a mental makeover.

I realized that my students can make momental changes, I just needed to start at a different point.  I needed to start back at the basics and build, and with this new building, they would be amazing.  Once I changed my way of thinking, I saw my students accomplish things that were truly incredible and inspiring.  I was amazed.  At the end of the year, I got my students reading!!  I feel so proud of my students, because I pushed myself to think differently and be a better teacher.  While I still have much improvement, regrets, and unfinished business, when I left, I felt I made a difference.  If I could do it all over again, I would have had the attitude change from the very beginning.  And then I truly could have been a better asset to my students.

So the moral of the story - expectations can be very devastating.  If I didn't have them, I guess I never would have let myself down.

Really standing out there.

Now I know that its a good thing when someone says to stand out in the crowd.  You want that individualism and the "Oh, this is me, here me roar! RRRAAAWWWWRRRR" And honestly, thats a great thing.  I love being me and I wouldn't want to change me for anyone in the world  (to be honest though, that would be one very interesting exchange program - here lets swap beings, shall we?)  You can't be someone else, because they are already taken, so be unique, be yourself, and embrace it.

But has it ever happened when you stand out too much?  It the point where it is sheer uncomfortable?  Ever been so much of an individual when everyone knows exactly what you are doing, how you are doing, (but not really sure why you are doing it), but nonetheless, EVERYONE KNOWS!!!  Now I feel that this is a bit excessive when it comes to standing out in the crowd - but be forewarned - this has happened to me, and it is based on appearance.

Now if you are a regular reader on this blog, you have seen pictures.  The pictures of Utrik are beautiful.  The island itself (minus the lack of upkeep from its habitants) is a very beautiful, yet small, island.  And the people are truly beautiful.  Their skin is gorgeous, and I'm going out on a limb and saying its from all the coconut oil they smear on, and I have honestly never seen eyes that dark (dark brown, borderline black - so dark, I honestly couldn't find the pupil).  And so naturally their skin is dark, very dark.  So dark that they surpass the black people I have met.  In fact, when I was teaching colors, many of the students would point to me, and say white, while pointing at themselves and say black.

So let me paint the picture.  I'm on this island, and everyone (I mean everyone) is the same color (and now that I think about it, probably all related in one way or another), and then you throw in this very tall white girl with blonde hair.  Now that is what I call standing out (and probably not in the best way).

Now because I look so incredibly different, everyone knows what I am doing, when I am doing it, and they probably have no idea why I am doing it (for example, when I go running at the airport)  (but they did probably understand why I was doing laundry - that is honestly just common sense right there.)  And I have to feel you, it feels very awkward.

Back home in the States, I don't think there is this problem.  Yes, we have majority and minority populations, but the majority isn't so huge, and the minority population isn't incredibly small.  The majority isn't the dominant thing I see.  And the minority's numbers are below the .5% percent mark.    And (back home) when I walk down the street, I see many different shapes, sizes, colors, ethnicities, you name it, its there - mingling, mixing, integrating - everyone, everything.  And if a see a person (could be anyone, white, black, brown, purple, green, blue, rainbow whatever), there isn't a fraction of a doubt on guessing if the person is American or not.  Unless the person has a sign on their forehead, I am going to assume/guess that this person is American.  Actually, most of the time, it isn't even a conscious thought.

But here in the Marshall Islands, I have that huge sign on my forehead.  Everyone can tell in an instant that I am a foreigner like with a snap of their fingers.  It feels as if I could never fit in no matter how hard I would like to try.  I would have that foreigner stamp, just because of the color of my skin, or my height, or my hair color, or even my eye color.  In fact, the Marshallese have a word for this being a foreigner concept - its called ribelle.  And no many times, when I was talking around on island, I wouldn't have a name - it would just be "ribelle".  I got so fed up with this, that I would actually respond, "My name is Beth, not ribelle"  and eventually it caught on, and people would use my name when they were talking to me.  Not so much when they were talking about me (and not behind my back, rather to my face, but I couldn't really understand what they were saying - but that is an interesting feeling no doubt.)

So in conclusion, I have to say that was the first time really standing out there (almost in a not belonging sort of way), and will probably not be my last (seeing as though I am teaching in Thailand).

Really listening to music

So on the second half of my year on Utrik, I decided to start an exercise regiment.  And by exercise regiment, I mean running at the air port.  I would dawn on my sneakers, socks, running shorts, and a rather large, unattractive guam dress, grab my water bottle and ipod, and start running.  I have found that it is best to run in the evening, because its not so hot.  (just to be clear, it is ALWAYS hot, but not as hot when the sun starts to go down, and plus, the sky looks amazing!!)

See, I told ya so!!

So while I am running, I would listen to music that would have a great beat.  Examples include Backstreet Boys, Insync, Ashley Tisdale, etc...  So usually when a song has a good running beat, the lyrics are a piece of shit.  This will be important later on in this post.
So after many laps of running, sweating, walking, running, sweating, drinking water, running, walking sweating even more, I head home to take a shower, cause lets face it, I smell.  Okay, so that it is the end of that story.  (Although I did stop running for about a month, because the island had no food, and I realized that the amount of calories I was consuming was way under than what I was losing.  It was dangerous, so I quit running for a little bit.  But then the food ship came, as well as edible calories, so the exercise started back up again.


So to go back to the music, every Saturday, I would do laundry.  For several hours, I would sit there and scrub and scrub.  And I would watch the muscles in my right arm get significantly stronger than the ones in my left arm.  Lets just say that flexing looked awkward.  

So as the year went on, I decided that listening to music would be a good idea while I was scrubbing my never ending pile of unclean clothes.  So thinking that this would be a good idea, I decided to listen to the music that helped me so much when I was exercising.  Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of pop songs from the 90s?  Well, I know I haven't, until that day.  Holy cow - I was filling my ears with lyrical trash every since I was in the 4th grade and I had no idea whatsoever!!  Man, that ruined my whole childhood right there!  So disgusted with my taste of music as an elementary school student who had no choice of radio stations while on the bus.  And this moment also ruined country music me as well.  So let's just say that when I got home, I had a huge music make over.

Haha, my laundry all done!!!  So beautiful!

Unconnected, and it feels so good.

Have you ever been unconnected from the world?  So remote that you can literally focus on what is in front of you without any distractions or updates from the real world?  I was literally wire-less and had no hope of being connected - and I honestly have to say that it felt very good.  But then again, when I got back to the reality I was familiar with, I had no idea of anything.

So Utrik did have internet, we just couldn't use it.  The building was right across from the school, and it had the computer, the internet, but again, we couldn't use it.  Why?  Because we needed to have the opening ceremony.  Now to have the opening ceremony, many of the important people needed to actually be on Utrik for this to happen.  Now what consists of the important people?  The important people for the important opening ceremony are - the mayor, the head of the Department of Health (because she is from Utrik), and other important people from government head offices.  So lets recap - in order to use the internet, we need to have the important opening ceremony, and inorder to have the opening ceremony, we need to have the important people of Utrik actually come to Utrik (they live on Majuro) and then have the ceremony.  So to put this in perspective, the internet was actually ready to go around October or November.  The opening ceremony happened in May.  So it just sat there, collecting dust- for months.

So while this seems really bad, it actually was a good thing.  How many times do you check your phone?  Do you ever feel incomplete if your phone is not in your pocket?  Do you need to be connected all the time?  (Random side note to illustrate this point - when I came back from the Marshall Islands, I worked at the summer camp where I worked for the past 5 summers as their maintenance staff.  One night, some of us went out to dinner.  The whole time we were at this restaurant, everyone with a smart phone (since I'm so behind, I don't have one) was on it.  There was no conversation, no talking, everyone was connected, and the human connection was not there.  It was tragic to see that the human connection cannot occur, but I digress)

So I have to say, it felt very nice to be unconnected to literally be wire-less.  There was this huge weight that was lifted off and I could finally breathe.  And because of this, I had the rare opportunity to communicate with my family and friends the old fashion way - writing letters.

Haha, what fun!  And because of the irregularity of the planes, I had no idea when to actually write the letters.  Once I wrote a 12 page letter to my parents, sealed the envelope and everything, thinking that the plane was coming the next day.  Alas, I was wrong, and I had that envelope sitting on my desk for 3 months.  I felt that I couldn't write a new letter to them because what would happen if the new letter reached them before the old one.  The time sequence would be all wrong!  Chaos and unintended ignorance would enter their lives, and ruin their lives FOREVER!!  (okay, not really, I was just lazy because I knew the plane was down and not going to be fixed for months, and I didn't feel like writing. I know, I'm a poor excuse as a human being.  I fail.)  One time, the plane was down for about 3 months, and I already started a letter to my friend, Holly.  So I turned her letter into a diary.  Her letter, originally about 6 pages, turned into 30 pages.  And six of those pages were me talking/writing about open faced sandwiches (remember, this was the time of no food and I was dreaming about all the possibilities of combinations of open faced sandwiches.  I know, I know, I'm pathetic.)  So to my dear friend Holly, I'm so sorry.  You received a novel of a letter, full of random shit.

And because I had to write letters, many of my friends actually had to write letters back to me.  Some of my friends were very good pen pals, like my friend Holly, and my very good friend Susan.  Twice, Susan made me cookies.  I was unable to eat the first batch, because a mouse at the post office wanted to have them first.  And the second batch, I ate some, shared with my family, and then someone went into my room and ate them.  It like the universe was trying to send me a message, you shall not enjoy Susan's very delicious, enno, extremely yummy cookies.  YOU SHALL NOT!!  Oh, and my parents started writing their letters in bullet points.  And one time, my mother wrote me a letter while at a cardio heart conference nurse thing.  I'm glad you chose me over that!  And to my friends who wrote me, I honestly read and reread the letters so many times.

And because of this pen pal system, I found out who really wanted to connect with me.  I have to say that it really hurts when I write letter after letter to some of my friends, and I don't get a response back.  And I would like to thank my friends who took the time to actually write to me.  And I would like to thank all the people who mailed me care packages - Ginka and Aunt Kris, my parents, Susan, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Reggie, and to all those people who I can't remember.

The only down side to this mode of communication is receiving world news.  Our field directors would more or less update us (Sometimes we actually got news, and other times we got celebrity news.  Apparently both are very important).  And this mode of communication is very slow, and add the fact that the plane was broken down about 80% of the time, I really never knew anything.  For example, the Penn State Sandusky thing happened around November.  I didn't find out about it until February.  That was when I was able to read all the newspapers my parents sent me.

So more or less, it was a great experience, re-establishing the human connection, and to truly be wire-less.

What I really came for...

So while this light, carefree, and funny, I was actually there to do some serious business.  For those of you who don't know, I am a teacher.  I am actually a certified teacher in the state of Pennsylvania, and now I have the CELTA (Certification from Cambridge for English Language Teaching to Adults).  And while in the Marshall Islands, I was a teacher.  That was my main objective and goal.  I did not go there to only just eat coconuts and fish and live in such an isolated place- I came to be a teacher.  And for some people, that seemed like a hard concept.

I take my job very seriously, and I am glad that I do.  There were some individuals who did not put in the effort and hard work, and quite frankly it showed.  There were many days when I would stay after, way late, working on tomorrow's lessons, and trying to get everything prepared.  And some of my teacher friends from back home would think that my job was a joke.  That I wasn't a real teacher.

Well, to prove you wrong - I was (and still am) a real teacher.  I love teaching English as a foreign language, and seeing as though English is now the linga-franca of the world, it is also a very important subject.  I had to follow/try to achieve the standards (the rather vague and not really achievable standards, but nevertheless, the standards).  I still implemented classroom management techniques (some better than others, but in the end, they were still torn to pieces) and I still did everything that a regular U.S. teacher did.

So stop giving me beef (unless you are a vegetarian, than stop giving me tofu)!

And here are my students...

There were times when I loved my students.  I was so proud of their achievements as well as mine.  There were some days when I genuinely looked forward to going to school everyday.  Or I would really enjoy school once I got there.  There were times when my students' smiles and eager to learn eyes would give me such encouragement and the will power and drive to keep teaching.  It was these moments where my heart would melt (and it still does) and would make me feel like a worth-while human being.

And then there were other times when I would want to stab my eyes out, rip my heart into a million pieces, place my brain in a blender and shred it into a billion pieces.  There were days when I wanted a better job.  There were days when I would wish that my students would disappear (and it didn't matter in what way, as long as they were gone.)  There were days when their eager to learn eyes would stab a thousand daggers in any direction where goodness prevailed, and would destroy anything that represented happiness with a blink.  Oh man, there were some days I hated those kids.

But then the good always out-weighted the bad, and at the end of the experience, I will always miss my students.  They were always have a special place in my heart - even if they wanted to stab it out.

And here are my students. (Note the gang signs)

1st grade.  Haha - I got those kids reading!!

4th grade

3rd grade (Dashwood - the kid in the green, doesn't look to happy)

My beloved 2nd graders

Kindergarten

Max and his 8th graders

I am part of a involuntary blood donation to mosquitoes. I feel that they appreciate the service. You're welcome...

So Utrik had lots of mosquitoes.  Many many many many mosquitoes.  So much so that I felt that I have become immune to the itchiness.  The red itch bumps no long had any control (on a side note, now that I'm in Thailand, I have lost the power but I digress.)  Yes, I GOT THE POWER!!  But sometimes too much power comes with a price.  The ultimate downfall to absolute power is the forces that try to undermine you.  I wish I had the power of hindsight in the present, it would have cleared the way and given me the knowledge that I would need to know.

1.  I now think that 100% DEET will do absolutely nothing to me.  Seeing as though I would rub that stuff all over me twice a day.  You really glisten when you rub that stuff all over you.  And if you have some on your finger tips and eat a pancake, haha, what a great sensation.  Or I guess I should say, lack of sensation.  My tongue would go numb, my lips would go numb and sometimes they would stay numb for hours.  Try teaching that way.  Such fun!

2.  Mosquito nets become the ultimate sleeping fashion accessory.  And mosquito nets actually block the breeze and make your bed about 20 degrees hotter.  Holy cow, not fun.  Try sleeping in 80 degree weather, but now it feels like 100 degrees and you are literally swimming in sweat.  So not comfortable.

The old mosquito net.

The new and improved and "had-to-crawl-in-like-a-ninja" mosquito net.

And now mosquito nets remind me of wedding bride's veils.  So if I ever get married, no veil.  I've slept under a mosquito net, and honestly, I never want to be under one ever again.

3.  Still not quite sure about the Dengue Fever.  I had it.  I felt like shit for a week,  but then I was fine (Okay, I talked with the doctor and he was saying that the strain here on island was a weaker strain, and even he had no idea why everyone was freaking out about it).  My mom sent me some Tylenol (Thanks mom!!!).  Other people on the capital island left.  Why would you leave?  

On a fun side note, Max taught his eight graders about the signs and symptoms of Dengue Fever and what to do once you have it (honestly wait it out and take Tylenol).  But his lesson didn't go long enough, so he switched over to a writing contest about world peace.  But his students slightly mixed up the two.

How do you think we can get world peace?

- World peace can be achieved by taking Tylenol every 6 hours.

Apparently, Aspirin will lead to the opposite!

The 8th graders reading a chapter book!!!!

Do you know Victoria's Secret? Cuz, I'm pretty sure I don't

So Utrik is a very beautiful island.  Gorgeous blue waters (usually filled with an intense amount of bacteria), beautiful sandy beaches (watch your step on the giant rusty bicycle that litters the ground), and the incredible jungle (look out for the chicken/pig/human shit that you are about to step in), but there was one thing there that wasn't beautiful - the fashion.  Its like what Heidi Klum says, "In fashion, one day, you're in, the next, you're out."  Well the women here were never in, so then therefore they could never be out.  It was just bad all around.

So with the men's fashion, it was very typical American.  No grass shirts, and coconut bras.  Shorts and a t-shirt.  Usually the shorts/pants would be labelled "urban" or "city," and they were rather baggy.  Hair styles were extremely different from man to man.  Some had long hair, some had no hair, some had short hair, some had ...well... hair.

And now we are getting to the feature presentation of post tonight - the women's fashion.  These dresses (there were two different types) were the largest, most shapeless, tent like quality, blots of fabric that I have ever tried on.  Holy cow, I had no shape!  I was a giant square.  At times it felt disappointing  because I had no shape, but then I felt I had no unwanted, lingering eyes staring at me.  It was a blessing and not a blessing at the same time.  So as I mentioned before, there are two different types of women's fashion on Utrik - the guam, and the mu-mu.  A guam is what I considered to be the sweat pants of the Marshall Islands.  A guam is a very laid back piece of very colorful cloth.  The cloth is stretchy and has many different uses.  My favorite was when I wanted to clean my shower water from the well.  I would literally just pour from the well, through the guam, and into the bucket - and bam* the water is clean.  I love guams!!

Such a very colorful, large blob of fabric!

Please note that the other girl is also wearing a guam!  They come in many different shapes , but its pretty much just all one size - tent.

Mary Helen, myself and Kasey all looking stunning in our new guams!

Now the other fashion outfit the women would wear were mu-mu's.  A mu-mu has the same structure as a guam - large and tent like.  However, mu-mu's are made out of a non-breathable material.  Therefore, they are incredibly hot - as in temperature.  Geez!  And they don't stretch.  Now I was taller than almost everyone, and it was an unwritten rule that the mu-mu's and guams must go to your knees.  Well, it was so hard to find that.  And with the mu-mu's, they were just plain uncomfortable.  Oh, and mu-mu's were extremely formal and fancy (meaning I only wore them for church.  Every once in a while, I would wear them to school, but I never liked it.  So I would wear a t-shirt and a shirt.)

Looking good ladies!

Utrik's Top Model!

The beautiful girls on Ebon Atoll, Katie and Steph, in their matching mu'mus!  Work it hunny!!

And the best part was when I got back to the States - everyone had their knees showing!!!  Holy cow - I almost had a near heart attack!  On the plus side though, guams are an excellant cover up at the beach.  And plus it was rather fun to embarrass my family with the Igor the Tent Makers swim wear!

Crossed one endangered animal off my "Let's Eat It" list

So while in the Marshall Islands and on Utrik, I have had my fair share of unusual things to eat.  The list is rather odd, and I'm pretty sure I will never be able to repeat any of the items on it (and I'm not quite sure I want to).  So I already posted about muk-a-muk (see situational starvation), and I'm pretty sure I have eaten Dory and Nemo (both taste pretty good).  And I've had my fair share of coconuts.  But on island, the main thing I remember eating most of the time is pancakes!  So during the course of a week, a normal human being eats about 21 meals (3 meals a day x 7 days in one week - in case you need evidence of my math skills), and of those 21 meals, I'm pretty sure pancakes made up about 15 or 16 of those meals.  Yep, I never will eat another pancake again for the rest of my life.  Pancakes are just tasteless dough.  (Unless Jack Johnson will make me banana pancakes and sing me his song at the same time, then I think I would be obligated to eat another pancake).

So while we are eating pancakes, there are some things you can put on the pancake.  My personal favorite is when my parents would send me peanut butter (holy cow - I just want to thank you so much for all the care packages, and because of those, I have learned how to efficiently and effectively eat an entire bag of M&Ms in one day).  So peanut butter and pancakes are very tasty.  But before you know it, the jar of peanut butter is gone in one day (sometimes 2 or 3 if we managed to stretch it out by not eating or making pancakes).  So what makes a good substitute?  MAYONNAISE!!!  Yes that's right, white lard/fat/chemicals that often is added to sandwiches to a slightly better taste.  So now pancakes and mayonnaise taste good.  "But wait," you ask yourself as you are reading this, "doesn't mayonnaise need to be refrigerated? Didn't I learn in my middle school Home Economics class that if mayonnaise isn't refrigerated (or if I am going on a picnic and I made potato salad and left it out the whole night) then therefore everyone is going to get food poisoning?"

NO!!!  I ate that unrefrigerated mayonnaise all the time and did not get sick.  So therefore I am going to assume that all health food exports are liars and don't know what they are talking about.

On the plus side, I discovered how to make a pancake taco.  Take a pancake, add some rice in the center (to be more authentic, have the rice be left over rice from the night before) and then add some mayonnaise.  If you have fish or spam, please add it, otherwise the taco will be okay without it.  And Enjoy!  Its the closest thing to a taco I could come up with...

And for a random fact - dog tastes good.  Actually, very good.  I would totally eat that again.

And now for the reference to the title of this particular blog - what endangered animal did I eat?  Sea turtle!  And I have to say, it is such a weird taste.  It has the taste of fish, but the consistency of something I don't know how to describe.  It was incredibly chewy - like the type of chewy where you chew, and chew, and chew, but what is in your mouth hasn't changed shaped and you are not sure if you can swallow or not.  Yep - its exactly like that.  And now sea turtle isn't on my list of favorite foods.

But you can enjoy the pictures of some people preparing a sea turtle (a rather large one).

It may not be Oprah's, but it was my book club.

So while on Utrik, there were many things to do.  My social calendar was so full, I was so constantly busy and holy cow, I just couldn't keep up.  (okay, I'm kidding.)  I had a lot of free time on my hands.  And somethings to keep me busy - watch Filippino soap operas (Luisa and Carding!!!), write epicly long letters to my friends.  (Fun side note story, the one time the plane was broken and I started writing a letter to my friend Holly (thinking the plane was coming later that week, but alas it did not come).  Well, what was originally going to be a 6 page (front and back) letter turned into a 30 page journal saga novel, and I honestly spent 6 pages talking about open faced sandwiches.  Poor Holly...)  And besides writing letters, I read - ALOT!

I was actually surprised the amount books I was able to read in such a short span - way too many.  I feel like I filled my quota for life.  But I like the over time work because I love reading.  (In fact, one of my main goals in life is to read all 7 Harry Potter books in 24 hours)  And it got to the point on island where I was reading anything I could get my hands on.  Thankfully my parents love me, and would send packages filled with books!!!  And Utrik's past WorldTeach volunteers left many many many good (and not so good) books for me to go through.  And let's just say I had a great variety and selection to pick from.

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animaldialogues.jpg

One book that got me thinking about life was The Animal Dialogues by Craig Childs.  It was all about his different encounter with animals (as well as some information about each animal - and the information was information one would not normally find or know.  For example, mountain lions' mouth and teeth formation is perfect for biting at the base of your head. The teeth are perfect for driving into the nerves and essentially ending your life with one bite.  Or that crows are incredibly smart.  Or that mosquitos have a sci-fi tech system.  They can identify if you are male or female, spot you across a football, and can identify where you are the sweatiest.  Its rather remarkable).  But after reading this book, it dawned on me that I don't have enough experience in the wilderness.  I need to get some.  And I don't have enough experience living in a ti-pee.  But it was a very good book.

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/medium/9780/8021/9780802144119.jpg

Another book that I liked (in the lieu of many many many many I had read) was Che Guevara: A Revolutionary Life by Jon Lee Anderson.  Okay, I feel that I need to warn you first.  The book is broken up into 3 parts (and this book is incredibly long and in the middle of Part 1, I had to stop - where I read 3 crime mofia books but part 1 (for me) took a while to get through.)  The 1st part focuses on Che's beginnings and his life in Argentina.  The 2nd and 3rd parts focus on overtaking Cuba and life in Cuba, and his political and physical adventures in Africa and Bolivia.  This book made me get a different outlook on how I viewed the United States, and my opinions on Cuba.  It was well worth the read.  And now whenever I see someone wearing a Che shirt, I always stop and think - do you really know what he represents? Do you really know?

And on a funnier note, my host family had some books - mainly books explaining the different stories from the Bible, and they had a Mormon bible.  I tried to read it, and put it down after 1 page.  Yeah, no thanks.
But there was this one book -

 And honest to goodness - one of the questions inside was...

Yeah, so in the words of Mean Girls - you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins...

Let's go to the movies!!!

Well, if Utrik had a movie theatre, then I would honestly have gone like every weekend, even if they were playing the same movie (and if that were the case, then I would have memorized it and performed the best one woman show around and it would have been Oscar worthy, just saying).  But alas, Utrik did not have a movie theatre (Majuro did, but it was closed/shut down the whole time, so I don't know if that counts or not...)  But I did get to watch movies, and there was a huge variety to choose from - horror (some medicine gets out and turns people into semi zombies, and they are used as military weapons until gone wrong), comedy... (continued below the picture.)

And that is how we do it!!  (Side -note, they are watching Barbie and the Mermaid, and ALL of them are drawn into the movie's well written plot line, amazing special effects, and that super catchy surfing song...)  What a great quality movie.  I didn't waste my time at all.  Its not like I'm wishing for that 1 hour back...

children's (in which, I would highly recommend Hotel for Dogs - super cute and all my little brothers and sisters loved it, and they loved Max Keeble's Big Move and the evil ice cream man), military (Jessica Simpson's horrible military movie and actually played a huge part in making me consider the National Guard, Inglorious Bastards (okay, I confess, I brought this one!!) and some Matt Damon one) and my personal favorite - FILIPPINO SOAP OPERAS!!!!

Holy cow, those movies (and when I mean movie, I mean like 20 dvds consists of 1 movie - so it was more like a television series) had some great plot lines, great acting, great special effects (holy cow, that house on fire looked absolutely real!  Did you see that?  That looks like real, legit fire!)...

And they were freaking awesome!!!  There were whole days where I would just sit there and stare at the tiny 6 inch screen and watch disk after disk after disk of soap opera.  And for some odd reason, I would always feel like I accomplished something that day.  My favorite was Luisa and Carding (okay the real title was Gulong ng Palad) and after I watched this one, all of the characters in my classroom (for example if I was teaching body parts or acting out a concept), their names would become Luisa and Carding.

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This show was simply amazing!!  Okay, so Luisa comes from a dirty poor family, and Carding is super rich.  Well, Carding and Luisa are friends when they are little (Luisa's mom is a maid and works for Carding's family), but then Carding's family moves to America because his father suddenly dies from a heart attack.  Well several years pass and now both are teenagers.  And guess who comes back into town... CARDING!  Well, he falls in love with Luisa and same with her.  Haha, well both families don't like this... and lets just say that many many many people try to tear them apart.  And include babies, illegal kidney donations, and very gorgeous people - bad things will happen.  It was great for me to watch!!  And now I am officially addicted to Filippino soap operas, and it is a good addiction.  I hope it never stops...  No 12 step program needed.

Hockey withdrawal - it was H-E-double hockey sticks

Now I know that I'm not Canadian (although people from Pittsburgh swear that I sound Canadian), but I love ice hockey.  It developed on later in life.  Okay, I should rephrase.  I'm not that old.  Why, I'm only 24.  So I should say it developed later in my young adult/teenager life.  Now some background, I'm from Erie, Pennsylvania.  Erie happens to have their own hockey team - The Erie Otters (you otter be there).  The Erie Otters are a part of the OHL (or the Ontario Hockey League - basically high schoolers play each other in a professional league.  (other fun random side note, when I was growing up, I had NO idea that the league was Canadian.  I knew the other teams were from Canada and I always thought that it was very nice of the Otters to play the Canadian national anthem.  And then in college I realized that they would always play the Canadian national anthem because it was the ONTARIO Hockey League.  Mind blown!  And discovering that when the London Knights would play the Erie Otters, they were not actually from England.  MIND BLOWN AGAIN!!))

So this one time in college, my friends and I (all back from our universities for the holiday/semester break) decide to attend one of Erie's attractions - An Otter game.  And this was the first game many of us had attended since elementary school when they would have game nights.  You could buy discount tickets and sit with your school.  While Grandview Elementary School never did manage to get a yellow and green out, it was still fun to sit and watch the hockey game, and more importantly to see what your other 2nd grade classmates' families looked like.  So anyway, my friends went to a game and  MIND BLOWN THRICE!!!

I knew what I was missing in my life.  It was like a missing piece just fell into place.  How could I have not noticed this beautiful sport before?!  IT WAS AMAZING!!  The action, the pace, the way the game was played, the amount of physical endurance needed, the skill - it was all there and it was incredible.  And at that point, I became slightly obsessed.  And then I went back to college, with a new love for ice hockey and a new love for the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Okay, so fast forward to Utrik and island life.  There was no ice hockey on Utrik.  Geez, there was no ice.  (Okay, some houses had ice boxes where you could fish, coconuts, chicken, beef/steak, and ice cream!)  And it was hard to explain what ice hockey was because both ice and hockey didn't really exist on island.  So I asked my parents to send me any information in any media form that had to deal with hockey and the Pittsburgh Penguins.

And they did.... sort of.  I guess I should have been more specific.  I should have said to send recordings of games (any teams would have been fine at that point) and information about the Pittsburgh Penguins as a whole team.  The things I got in the boxes where articles about Sidney Crosby's brain (he just had a concussion the year before and his brain rattle incident was still top news) and how he was adjusting or not adjusting to stuff, Slap Shot 3, and the Pittsburgh Penguins Stanley Cup 2009 DVD movie thing.

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What a great ZEN movie!!!

So I guess you could say that my hockey withdrawal process was getting better.  I had some hockey exposure to get over the fact that before, I had nothing.  The one thing that I absolutely hated was the Stanley Cup DVD of the Penguins winning.  THERE WERE NO GAMES ON IT!!  It was just a bunch of interviews about their season and how the playoffs were - "Game 5 was the game that like never happened.  No one was feeling jittery and there was a feeling of calmness.  And then we hit the ice and I don't know what happened.  It was like the game that never happened.  And afterwards, Mario came to our locker room and said just told us to shake it off."  (Now, I have to admit, its pretty sad when I can almost quote this.  It just shows how much I liked yet hated it).  Now I hasn't a fan of the interviews, and to be honest, Sidney's voice slightly gets on my nerves - eh.  But it was something that dealt with the Pittsburgh Penguins, so I was okay with it.  I did however love the microphone set up with Billy Guerin.  That was cool.

And the articles my parents sent me, they always dealt with Sidney Crosby's brain and how it rattled.  Okay, I know that a concussion is a very serious injury and not taking the correct steps in healing and recovery can result in some very serious problems.  I get that, and I award him for waiting for his comeback and waiting for his brain to get better.  But my issue was about the team.  The team still played, even if Sid did not.  The team was winning or losing game, but I never heard any of it.  Thats because I kept getting articles about the concussed captain.  I'm sorry, but there are many other extremely talented and athletic players on that team, so why is the focus just on one guy?  If I was on that team, that was get under my skin so much.  And that is what irks me as a fan.  

But at the same time, I was reading about hockey.  So it was all good.  I feel that I went through a 12 step recovery program to get over my addiction and came out a stronger, interested but not super crazy fan of hockey and the Pittsburgh Penguins.  And I guess it was a good thing that this happened because now the players and owners where at a stand off, so there was no hockey.  I guess the world (okay, probably just Canada) had the wonderful opportunity to experience what I experienced - hockey withdrawal.  And just to let you know, there is no pill to fix it.

Why little darling, get on your dancing shoes! Its time to get down and boogey!

The damn music box.  The people would spin while Christmas songs/noise played.  Holy cow that thing was so annoying.  It was a blessing when the batteries ran out!  (And then a curse when Baba put new ones in months later.) 

Well it was that time of year again, Christmas.  And while in the States, I would be celebrating with snow, hot chocolate, presents, putting lights up, and watching A Christmas Story (You'll shoot your eye out!)  Oh man did I miss that leg lamp.  Well, I had a very similar Christmas experience here - minus the snow and hot chocolate and presents and shooting my eye out.  But I did put up Christmas lights!  And there was that stupid music box - holy cow that damn thing was so annoying!  Check it out!

I think thats underwear...

And as you can see, the place was pretty swanked out.  Lights, random felt ornaments hanging from the ceiling (and I'm pretty sure that they are still there) (and another fun fact, when it hit Valentine's Day, my mom sent a box with some stuff, and I hung up this swirly heart things from the ceiling as well.  It looked like the most commercially decorated holidays threw up all over the house.)



And what really happened besides the decorations...

DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, thats right.  Christmas time was the time for dancing.   And when I mean dancing, I mean standing in two lines, shuffling your feet, and doing hand motions.  Forget stage presence, its way too hot for that (in fact, many of the women standing next to you are sweating profusely and have sweat rags.)  Forget smiling.  The only thing you have to do is remember the steps and don't step on the little kids that are running around or are sitting at your feet.  And for some odd reason, most of the men don't enter the church.   Only the important men do, like the ribelle doctor, or the principal, or the pastor (and I still don't like that man.)  Otherwise, you have a ton of peeping Toms.  They crowd the windows and just stare.  I have to say that it feels very weird.

And despite the fact that the dances only have a few basic steps, practicing consumes all your evening/night time free time for 6 weeks prior (or at least in my case.  In Max's, he said that he learned his all in one night.)  So every night, I would go to the neighbor's house with Momma and a kid or two, or no kid at all if they were watching a movie or sleeping.  And then for several hours, we would practice the same routine, over and over and over and over and over.  It stuck in my mind, but apparently in other's, not no much.  So we had a combo dance of both men and women (I know right, something where both males and females are together.  HOLD THE PHONE!!  and yes it was okay), the men had there own dance (which after watching looked more like a cardio workout.  It was freaking nuts) and the women had their own dance has well.  But let me tell you something about the men's performance, they actually had two dances...

And I had the wonderful opportunity of leading them in this dance.  I happened to make the mistake of saying that I knew the dance to the Cha Cha Slide (in which, makes a good ESL listening activity if you are teaching adults direction words such as left or right, fyi).  BAD MOVE!!  Next thing I know, I am teaching all the men of our church how to dance the Cha Cha Slide (which isn't that hard, you just have to listen to the music, but apparently they needed help).  So whenever I'm at a wedding/dance and I hear that song, I start to dance to it.  Well, I get half way through the song and decide I'm finished and I honestly want to stop dancing (most of the time I do.)  So I can clearly only handle this song for about 1 minute.  Let's just say that when we were practicing, we would practice for about 2 hours!  THAT IS 2 HOURS OF HEARING AND DANCING TO THE CHA CHA SLIDE!!  AND THAT WAS EVERY NIGHT FOR ABOUT 6 WEEKS!!!!  I was not a very happy camper.  And I told Max this, and he didn't really believe until he watched the performance.  And you could hear him laughing during the entire thing.

I unfortunately don't have any pictures of me Christmas dancing, but I do have some, enjoy.


Now to make this a new Christmas tradition or not.... that is a good question.  Let me think that one over...

Abraham (being silly as usual) and Bajin getting ready to do their dancing.

The children dancing their Christmas dance.

Me and Abraham being silly while we were waiting, inside one of the churches,
 for Max's dancing group to get ready

Max, ready and waiting to go.

Shake it and shuffle it sister!

Get jiggy with it!

Dear Friend,

Dear Friend,

Hello, my name is Seiko.  I am 15 years old.  I am from Utrik Atoll, Marshall Islands.  I am in the 8th grade.  My favorite subject is math.  I have one father.  His name is Nickner.  I have one mother, her name is Mommy (yes, its true, her name was actually Mommy).  I have 2 sisters and 0 brothers.  I like to dance and sing songs.  What are your hobbies?  Where are you from?  What is your favorite food?  Can you send me one apple?  Can you send me one i-pot (suppose to be i-pod)?

                                                                                                       Love from your best girlfriend,
                                                                                                                  Seiko

That is a sample letter from one of the 8th grade students on Utrik.  I did a pen pal activity with my friend Kasey, how happened to be a teacher in North Carolina.  And I have to say that of all the activities I did with my students, this would have to be the most successful.  I originally did the international pen pal activity with my Honor's Club.  There was a select group of students who stayed after school and would do extra activities.  Well, it sounded like a great idea, but once it actually started, students wouldn't come, or the activities were a little too advanced, or it was just absolute chaos.  But one of the better activities was the international pen pals.  And holy cow did it work!

I have never seen my students so excited about school before.  My class was the first to write the letters, and then we waited until Kasey's class wrote us back.  And when they wrote back, it was like Christmas in an envelope!  And one of the best parts was when Kasey actually included pictures!  Holy cow!  My students would look at the picture - "What does my person look like?"  "Well, look at your letter.  What name do you see?"  "Brandon!"  "Okay.  Ah, here is Brandon!"

And some of my students decided to write 2 or more letters (some of the girls in the pictures are cuter than others and therefore got many more letters.)  In the following weeks, Max (the other WT volunteer) had his 8th graders write in their jounals about something they liked about America.  Most of the students wrote about the pen pal letters!  And to top it off, Honor's Club that night went an extra 2 hours longer than what it was suppose to. 

On the downside - that night I found out about the hammer and the boyfriend.  :(

And on another side note, here is the conversation that played out with Max and Seiko (and her mother's name is Mommy)

Max - What is your mother's name?
Seiko - My mother's name is Mommy.
Max - NO.  What is your mother's name?
Seiko - My mother's name is Mommy.
Max - NO!  What is your mother's name?
Seiko - My mother's name is Mommy.
Max - NNNOOOOOOOOOO!

When it rains, its pours... and floods your house.

So when I was growing up, I was always taught never to be in or near water during a thunder shower.  "Beth, the lightening will come down and strike you as you wet, lather, rinse, and repeat."  Well, I'm starting to think that its all just a load of crap (and I still would be covered in shampoo).

Well, on island, I discovered the real truth to this.  It at first was a normal day.  I woke up, I went to school, I taught some English (whether it stuck or not I don't know, but I would like to think that I made an educational difference  - but I digress), I came home.  I decided to go on a walk with my two little brothers to a church because some of the women where practicing singing for a church thing.  Well, the sky started to turn very dark (now if I was an all telling fortune teller, I would have realized that the heavens were about to open up and tens of thousands of gallons of water was about to be dumped, but I am no fortune teller).  And there was something weird happening with the tide.  It was huge.  It was like high tide on a very powerful performance enhancing drug - or the scientific word is "king tide."  Well, one of those was happening.  The tide was literally coming over the sandbar.  It was as if the sandbar was nothing, a tiny speck in its path to ultimate destruction.  It was incredible.  And lets just say that when both forces combine, you are going to get a flood.  Nuf said.

Well, once Babba finds us and we (host brothers and myself) race back to our home in the downpour, and then you would think that the fun is over and that we are safe in a nice, dry house.  HAHA, fooled you.  Next thing you know, the roof is leaking.  So lets place many many buckets.  The tides are going nuts, break over the sand dune, and bam, knocking at our front door.  Now its race to see if we can pick everything up off the floor and onto higher ground (and by higher ground, I mean the beds, which are maybe 2 feet off the cement floor).  And then the flooding comes into my room.  I quickly move everything onto higher ground (because having a wet mattress sucks).  And I put my books (that were originally on the floor) onto my giant tupperware container that was used as a dresser.  Did you know that giant tupperware containers can float, even if it is full of clothing and has many many many many big books on top.  NOOOOOOOOOO.  That sucker floats and rolls over (like when you teach a dog new tricks).  So then all my books are now in the water - shoes are floating everywhere - packets of ramen are sailing through - leaves, sticks, small rats, and other rather disgusting debris are washed in as well.

Have you ever had sopping wet books.  They are incredibly heavy.  And I actually rang out my Marshall Language Manual.  Thats right, twisted it like you would a wet towel.  And quite surprisingly, a lot of water came out.  Now that I think about it, it would have been funny if a lot of Marshallese came out of it as well (haha, let's just say that I was a very unmotivated slacker to learn Marshallese).

So now, everything is wet, and water is coming in at all angles (up, down, left, right, sideways, backwards) and we are having a blast.  (Fun side note, right when the flooding was starting to occur, I noticed that Babba was trying to get work done, but all the kids were getting in the way.  So I grabbed my shampoo and we all took showers in the rain.  But after I dried off, I just got wet again, no luck.)  And people start coming over - the boyfriend, neighbors, people on the other end of the island.  "Where is the ribelle going to sleep?"  Ah, I was going to sleep in this bed, with my sister Bajin (who rolls a lot and kicks) We manage to eat something, and drink coffee, and the children go to bed.  And I go to bed to.  It was incredibly cold and all I can say is thank goodness for that extreme fleece blanket with the motorcycle on it.

And the next day (and forever), I could never find my missing sandal...