Island sick?

Well its been a while since I last posted and I guess I should post again.  I would like to apologize for such a long wait, but my computer's motherboard decided to pass away.  So I held a funeral for it at the Mac Care shop in Chiang Mai, Thailand.  (Oh, I should update you, right now, I'm teaching English at a government school in the mountains of the Chiang Rai province in northern Thailand).  And now my computer is fixed (like a Mac Frankenstein!) and running perfectly!  So thank you guys at the Mac Care shop - ITS ALIVE!! ITS A-A-ALIVE!!

Combine - 7 years old

Abraham - 5 years old

So lately I've been kind of moody, kind of day-dreaming, and kind of wondering what if...  And now that I am away from Utrik, I feel that I need to go back and that it was a mistake to leave.  What if I stayed and did an extra year?  But at the same time, I needed to leave.  But now I have this overwhelming urge to venture back into my old life. I sometimes find myself conversing in my very broken Marshallese, when I know I should be learning Thai.  I imagine my little brothers here with me - Abraham and Combine.  I see them as students in my school here.  (And then I start laughing to myself and the other teachers look at me like I am crazy.  Maybe I already am?) I often day-dream about what it would be like to take one of them home with me (and home meaning the United States).  I often dream about Combine sitting in an American class, or I often dream about me living back on Utrik.  I see pictures and events run through my head (with a marathon pace) and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get rid of them.  I miss Utrik terribly.  And I want to go back. (or try to bring Utrik to me)  And its getting weird because now I start to smell the smells of the island.  I'll be teaching and all of the sudden, it starts to smell like copra or it will start to smell like the lagoon (which is pretty weird because there is no ocean where I'm at).  And one of my third grade students looks like Combine - which is really starting to freak me out.  I'm just hoping that one of these days I don't actually call him Combine in class.  That poor kid would be so confused.

So I don't know what to call this disease, this sickness.  Is it home sick?  Because I would not call Utrik my home.  The United States will always be my home, but Utrik will always hold a special place in my heart - particularly my host family and especially those two boys.  There were times when I acted like a mother (yeah, I tested out my mothering skills - I called it Rent-A-Child), and I really loved them.

Don't get me wrong, there were things about Utrik that I would personally not like to experience again - for example the boyfriend/movie dude hammer incident and situational starvation (although now I know I can consume clear jello/mush and live to tell about it).  And there are somethings in Thailand that I love and I am glad to be experiencing them right now (interesting comparisons - the students in Thailand can behave themselves.  They can sit for long periods of time and not have to throw rocks at each other.  And the teachers actually come to school and do their jobs and are qualified to do them. But when asked whose English levels are better, I'm going to have to say the Marshallese.  Only because all the of text books are in English.  So the students are learning science in English, social studies in English, and so on.  So the students are learning English and other subjects at the same time all the time.  That is not the case here in Thailand.  Just thought you should know.)  So this puts me at a difficult spot.  Do I stay or do I go now? (name that song!)

So I guess what I am trying to say is, I'm island sick.  Is there a medicine or some prescription to fix this?

I become a master chef!

Okay, maybe not to the level as Emerald or that woman who does the southern cooking - but by my standards - I deserve an award.  And you may be asking what exactly did I specialize in making.  (Self - What did Beth specialize in making while she was on Utrik in the Marshall Islands?)  What a good question - it was cookies!  C IS FOR COOKIE!  THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!  And I must say that these cookies were amazing.  And because I didn't have any measuring tools, it was a lot of guesswork.  So my thinking process went something like this - "Lets out in this much flour (fill the bowl about 3/4 of the way)  And because I have all this oatmeal - lets fill the bowl 3/4 with oatmeal.  Now the bowl is 6/4 full with flour and oatmeal.  Now I definitely need to add sugar.  Wait, lets pour in some more sugar.  And what exactly is baking powder?  I guess I should add some.  I mean all the people here put baking powder in things, I guess I should too."  Okay so that was my general thought process while making these.  And the other ingredients would include cinnamon, and instant coffee.  Usually the instant coffee would serve as the base for the frosting (and condensed milk - in which is super disgusting)  So yeah, that is essentially how I made all those cookies - a great job of guess and check.  And baking these cookies took time - time to collect the coconut shells for the fire, getting the proper stuff to light the fire, me trying to light the fire and then Carbit or Baba coming to help me because I couldn't do it, then waiting for the coals to come because if you put the oven thing on too fast then the coals dont come and get a ton of smoke, and then putting the cookies on.  The funny thing was I didn't know what temperature anything was, so it was super hit and miss.  HAHA  But in the end, the cookies tasted delicious!  Yummy yummy yummy!!

Situational Starvation - Holy cow I looked good!

(Before I begin, I would like to apologize for the delay in my posts.  Its been somewhere around a few weeks and I have not posted, so I am terribly sorry.)

So you know when people say that they are starving.  I happen to do this all the time.  I say I'm starving and then I look into my cupboard (which happens to be full of food) and state the fact that I have absolutely nothing to eat (all lies).  Well, I have been in a situation where I had no food - literally!

So Utrik is super far north of the capital (about 250 miles) and because it is that far north, boats/ships/yachts don't come very often.  And that means the lagoon stays fairly empty.  And when the plane breaks down, and the food ship stays in the Majuro harbor because it keeps breaking down/people keep adding more food to it - the island will run out of food.  Just saying...

So around the month of December, food on island began running low.  Everyone was low on rice, low on flour, there was absolutely no sugar (which I guess was a good thing).  But there was still food around.  We ate this stuff (I'm forgetting the name - my bad) made out of fermented breadfruit.  Sounds gross, and it was.  yum....  So I left Utrik for midservice in Majuro (the land of dairy!!!!  AND VEGGIES!!!!).  WorldTeach required us to come in and discuss what was going well and what was not going so well on island, with our host family, and inside the classroom.  Holy cow, cheese and yogurt never tasted so good.  But alas, it was time to go back on island.  And what a surprise awaited me there...

So I get back to island, and all the food is gone.  There is no rice, no four, no fermented breadfruit, and all the local produce was out of season/not ripe.  And because Baba (host dad) was on the capital island, we had no steady supply of fish.  And fishing wasn't too good either.  Max (the other WT volunteer with me on island) said that his host dad (who is a great fisherman by the way) wasn't doing too good either.  It was like all the fish banned together and decided not to get caught (either by spear or   fish trap).  There was one neighbor who feed us.  His fish was super tiny and extremely deep-fried - like black deep fried - like I could literally eat the whole fish (bones and all) and it tasted like burnt grease fish.  Well, now that the island was out of imported/ tree based food/ sea based food, it was time to dig.

We now got to eat this stuff called muk-a-muk.  The finished product looks like a clear jello/jelly combo rolled in coconut shavings.  It tasted like magic in my mouth (okay, well, super bad magic, or maybe like fecal magic)

Here it is folks!  The main attraction! Lets give a hand for - MUK-A-MUK!!!!!

It takes some work to make the muk-a-muk.  When you dig it up, it looks like a potato.  I sure wish it tasted like a potato.  So after grinding the potato looking thing into a puke color puke texture mush (the same stuff Carbit made a penis out of - please see one of the previous posts for the reference), you grate it with water and let it sit.  The end product is this white powder/chalk looking stuff.  Well, just heat that stuff up and *bam* (pretend a magic poof just showed up), you have muk-a-muk.  So yeah, I ate this stuff for about a month for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  At one point, I was thinking about a hunger strike until and then I realized, I already was on one (partially).

Max eating some wonderfully tasting muk-a-muk.
Don't gag it up now.

YUMMY!  YUMMY!  YUMMY!

 So when that food ship came, man, that was amazing!  I'm pretty sure I ate more calories in the one day the ship came back then the past 4 days combined.  And then we all had a shit show (literally - like massive pooping all over island because people were over eating/holy cow - fiber!!)  And so I took this picture of my situational starvation results.  I thought I looked pretty good.  Maybe that should be my new diet book that will make me famous - locational situational starvation.

I thought I looked pretty good from eating only muk-a-muk.

Sign up here for the tour.

Why hello again, its me, Beth Kopay.  And for this post, I want to write about something more upbeat and happy.  Because lets face it, the last two posts have been rather dark.  So I thought it would be a great idea to give you a tour of the island.  As mentioned before, I was on Utrik, one of the furthest northern islands in the Marshall Islands.  Over the course of the year, I learned to love the island, and everything it embodies.  The people, the place, the love, the hate, everything.  And I feel that it isn't really fair for me to just explain my feelings, for most of you have never been there before.  How can I describe a place and get equal justice from all?  It would be bias towards my opinion, my way of life, my views, and whatever else goes on inside my head.  So on my last few days on island, I took a jambo (or a walk) with my camera, and taped my process.  I started down on my end of the island, and past the school, past Max's house, past the different churches, until I got to the sea.  And now I want to take you on a tour of Utrik.  So please buckle your seat belts, and keep your hands and feet inside the moving vehicle at all times.  Sit back and enjoy the ride.

(Okay, so my video was too large to post on this site, but its up on youtube.  So here is the link! But in order to keep you company for now, here is a video of my host sister, Bajin (with the colorful bands in her hair), and her friend, Tine (with the flowers) dancing.  Its super cute!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xFaynVReKs

My boyfriend aka the dude I watched movies with

So I am afraid to say that I had a Marshallese boyfriend on island.  Yep.  But it wasn't the typical "boyfriend".  The only thing we ever did was watch movies together.  Yep.  So exciting, really, I can't contain it anymore.  Well, I actually regret the whole situation.  It ended pretty grim and full of guilt.  But before I get to the end, I probably should start at the beginning.

It all started when I was helping to make dinner for the Christmas dancing practice.  I was at a neighbor's house, flipping pancakes I believe (or maybe I was mashing pandanus, not quite sure), and just minding my own business.  Carbit (see right) or the dude who I would soon be watching movies with, came to the house and started to scrap out a coconut.  Well, I thought he was kind of cute.  And that's where the trouble all started.

So the next day, I tell my mama that the guy who came over for the coconut scraping was cute.  I asked her what his name was, and if he was married.  At the time he was single.  Well, that was the last time I am going to tell any parent that I think a dude is cute.  Okay, so flash forward until after mid-service and I come back to Utrik.  And next thing I know, Carbit is over ALL the time.  And now the new rumor is that he is my boyfriend.  Yeah, I'm not quite sure when this happened, but next thing you know, random dudes keep coming to my house and asking where he is.  And now everyone thinks that we are having mad passionate love banging sessions out in the jungle.  Oh coconuts (include a knee slap)- that's not happening.

So up until this point, I was under the impression that Carbit did not speak English.  Haha, I was wrong.  The one night the entire family was making muk-a-muk (our island ran out of food - no joke- and look forward to this topic in a future post) and Carbit and some of his friends were over helping.  Well, we were done for the night and just playing with the left over gunk. I was going through winter withdrawal and made a snowman.  Carbit, on the other hand, made me a penis.  He also told me IN PERFECT ENGLISH  that I should hold on to it and I could cherish it forever.  Yep.  He made me a penis.  And that was how I found out he could speak English.  I was actually in a more of a state of shock that he spoke English than what he actually made me.

Alright, so things go pretty smoothly.  We watch movies.  And more movies.  And more movies.  That was honestly the only form of entertainment on island.  And with Mama, we would go on these late night walks to get movies from other houses.  I hated these walks - because I was either reading, or writing a letter, or watching another movie.  These walks become very important later on this in post.

Well, the food ship comes (YAY!!!!) and now Mama and Brenita (she was pregnant and because she was young (like 15 years old) Mama wanted her to have the baby in Majuro) leave to go to Majuro and Baba comes back.  So at one point, I was living with just Mama and the kids, and now its just Baba and the kids.  Carbit keeps coming over to watch movies, and drink.  I didn't realize just how much of an alcoholic he was until we started talking.  Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I haven't spoken to him when he was sober... ever.  Okay, so things are still smooth.

Well well well, the rumors start flying not that Mama is gone.  So apparently Carbit was having sex with Mama (not true, at least I don't think its true), and Carbit was escorting Mama to different other guys to have sex with them (not true, or at least I don't think it was true) - and this is where the late night walks come into play.  Yeah, Baba just keeps asking me if this is true, and of course its not.  And Baba keeps telling me that everyone on island is talking Mama and Carbit.  (And another rumor is that Mama and Carbit were having passionate love banging sessions in my room.  HAHA  Yeah, the only thing happening in my room was me sleeping.  No one was getting any action - whatsoever.)

And now Baba can't handle the rumors anymore, and decides to take matters into his own hands, and a hammer.  Baba beats Carbit up with a hammer.  A FREAKING HAMMER!  Yep - its sounds too stupid to make up and sounds too stupid to be real.  So that is how Carbit and I stopped watching movies together.  And then Baba turned into a drunk.  Yeah, so from then on, I got to watch movies by myself.  Sigh, oh well...

A pressing matter

Hey hey hey!  So this is post number 2, and I am going to dive into something heavy.  There has been an issue that has been in the back of my mind ever since I left island that I can't seem to get rid of.  So this past year, I got to experience many many new, different, and some of them exciting things.  For example, eating sea turtle, spear fishing, eating nothing but clear jello for a month, teaching first and second grade how to read, and the list goes on and on and on.  But I do have a very positive thing I would like to add to that list - and that was acquiring a rather large family.  My host family, who I love dearly, had 11 people.  The two parents (Mama and Baba) and here we go. (oldest to youngest) 1.  Shanna  2.  Martin  3.  Ellan  4.  Elisina  5.  Lorlain aka Brenita  6.  Emil  7.  Baslinda aka Bajin  8.  Combine  9.  Abraham.  Wow, and the ages range from 4 years old to 24 years old (yep, that's 20 solid years of straight baby making...)  But just to clarify, not everyone was in the house at once.  The two oldest were either in Majuro or in the States, and Ellan and Elsina were in high school on a different island.  So I only lived with them for about a month.  The normal number of children in the house were 5 with 3 other adults (me, Mama, and Baba). And then there were points when Baba was gone, then Mama and Brenita left, and Baba came back...  Now before I go on, I would like to say that I know that my host parents loved their children very much, and would probably do anything to get back at someone who try to harm them in any way.  But there was one thing Mama and I disagreed on a lot - hitting.  She (and everyone else on island) said that if children were "bad", it was absolutely okay to hit them, even if it was not your own child.  I have a huge problem with this.  I would like to believe I have loving hands and I only want to use my hands for good.  So Mama and I would argue a lot on this issue.  She would say that if her children were bad, it was absolutely fine to smack them with the broom.  I would argue back saying how is the child know you love him/her if the only form of affection you show is by a broom handle.  And as the year went on, I am HORRIFIED to say that I became comfortable with this.  I never stood up in between my abuser and my brothers and sisters.  I never had the courage to act upon what I said.  I would just turn my head aside, cry some silent, invisible tears, wait for the beating to be over, pick up Abraham or Combine (because they were little, for the older kids, I would rub their back) and take them outside to cry on my shoulder, and sing the only song I knew all the words to - Traveling Soldier (by the Dixie Chicks, I know, they re-did the song, but I don't remember who sang the original).  Recently, I was filling out a job application, and a question asked me give me a time when I had courage.  The only thing I could think of was my lack of courage - how I stood off to the side and did nothing.  I feel so ashamed of myself.  In my dreams and imaginations, I would put myself in the front, standing in between whats right and whats wrong, and being able to stop this from happening.  I had my dreams and self image torn apart to the very core, because I was unable to do anything.  I let it happen, and that cycle is going to keep happening.  I love my brothers and sisters so much, and I feel like I failed them.

Just read the title of the blog

Hey everyone, its the one and only Beth Kopay coming at your semi-live from a hostel in DC.  So before I begin, I guess I should introduce myself properly.  (Extend hand, but alas, you can't take it.  Stupid computer screens...)  My name is Beth Kopay and I'm a teacher.  And I love it.  But I'm not a typical teacher.  Now don't get my wrong, I have my official background training/degree in elementary education, but I have found a new path that will lead to happiness - ESL!  I fell in love with (like literally tripped, stumbled, and broke my leg on the way down into the ESL hole.) teaching English to non-native speakers.  I just sent a year teaching English to elementary school students (see Mom and Dad, still maintained some old educational ties - so my degree didn't go to waste) in the Marshall Islands with an organization know as WorldTeach (check it out - www.worldteach.org).  Now, if you are like any other person who is not Marshallese, the next question popping into your head is - What are the Marshall Islands?  (Am I right?  Of course I am.)  Maybe now you are about to Google it.  That's right, click on the Google Maps, and type in Marshall Islands.  Can you see it?  Its that super tiny green dot in the middle of the ocean.  Actually, when I'm looking at it, I don't even see the green dot.  I just see the letters - Marshall Islands.   Did you ever wonder how cool it would be the labels on maps actually existed in real life?  Think about it.  But I digress.  My atoll with Utrik.  Its one of the most northern atolls in the Marshall Islands, and received some nuclear fallout - but don't fear, I do not glow in the dark (but if you think about it, I would never be afraid of the dark because I would be my own nightlight.)  Side note on that story - during Orientation in Majuro, we had the lovely opportunity to eat pizza at the embassy and talk with the ambassador about her job and whatnot.  So the evening progresses and she is asking where our assignments were and I said mine.  Well... the reaction on her face may me feel very uneasy.  Gasp*  Utrik!  Geez, are there any people left on this island?  Have they all been transformed into large lizard like monsters with 20 eyes, a green tongue, and bright red eyes all because of radiation?!  Yep.  But not really, she just overreacted.  But it made me quite a worry wart after her reaction.  Well, that year was quite an adventure.  Actually a better phrase would be positive challenge.  Somethings I loved (my host family, the students (some of the time), and the sunsets), and some not so much (the abuse, the hitting, the rock throwing at children, situational starvation, receiving a penis made of muk-a-muk, watching the aftermath of the dude who made me the penis get beat up with a hammer by my host father, and watching my host father's demise into the unfriendly realm of becoming a drunk are some of the few).  So I hope you please stick around for some of the next blogs to come, for guaranteed it will be mind-blowing.  (Does it mean an emotion/feeling or actually having your head getting blown up?)