Really standing out there.

Now I know that its a good thing when someone says to stand out in the crowd.  You want that individualism and the "Oh, this is me, here me roar! RRRAAAWWWWRRRR" And honestly, thats a great thing.  I love being me and I wouldn't want to change me for anyone in the world  (to be honest though, that would be one very interesting exchange program - here lets swap beings, shall we?)  You can't be someone else, because they are already taken, so be unique, be yourself, and embrace it.

But has it ever happened when you stand out too much?  It the point where it is sheer uncomfortable?  Ever been so much of an individual when everyone knows exactly what you are doing, how you are doing, (but not really sure why you are doing it), but nonetheless, EVERYONE KNOWS!!!  Now I feel that this is a bit excessive when it comes to standing out in the crowd - but be forewarned - this has happened to me, and it is based on appearance.

Now if you are a regular reader on this blog, you have seen pictures.  The pictures of Utrik are beautiful.  The island itself (minus the lack of upkeep from its habitants) is a very beautiful, yet small, island.  And the people are truly beautiful.  Their skin is gorgeous, and I'm going out on a limb and saying its from all the coconut oil they smear on, and I have honestly never seen eyes that dark (dark brown, borderline black - so dark, I honestly couldn't find the pupil).  And so naturally their skin is dark, very dark.  So dark that they surpass the black people I have met.  In fact, when I was teaching colors, many of the students would point to me, and say white, while pointing at themselves and say black.

So let me paint the picture.  I'm on this island, and everyone (I mean everyone) is the same color (and now that I think about it, probably all related in one way or another), and then you throw in this very tall white girl with blonde hair.  Now that is what I call standing out (and probably not in the best way).

Now because I look so incredibly different, everyone knows what I am doing, when I am doing it, and they probably have no idea why I am doing it (for example, when I go running at the airport)  (but they did probably understand why I was doing laundry - that is honestly just common sense right there.)  And I have to feel you, it feels very awkward.

Back home in the States, I don't think there is this problem.  Yes, we have majority and minority populations, but the majority isn't so huge, and the minority population isn't incredibly small.  The majority isn't the dominant thing I see.  And the minority's numbers are below the .5% percent mark.    And (back home) when I walk down the street, I see many different shapes, sizes, colors, ethnicities, you name it, its there - mingling, mixing, integrating - everyone, everything.  And if a see a person (could be anyone, white, black, brown, purple, green, blue, rainbow whatever), there isn't a fraction of a doubt on guessing if the person is American or not.  Unless the person has a sign on their forehead, I am going to assume/guess that this person is American.  Actually, most of the time, it isn't even a conscious thought.

But here in the Marshall Islands, I have that huge sign on my forehead.  Everyone can tell in an instant that I am a foreigner like with a snap of their fingers.  It feels as if I could never fit in no matter how hard I would like to try.  I would have that foreigner stamp, just because of the color of my skin, or my height, or my hair color, or even my eye color.  In fact, the Marshallese have a word for this being a foreigner concept - its called ribelle.  And no many times, when I was talking around on island, I wouldn't have a name - it would just be "ribelle".  I got so fed up with this, that I would actually respond, "My name is Beth, not ribelle"  and eventually it caught on, and people would use my name when they were talking to me.  Not so much when they were talking about me (and not behind my back, rather to my face, but I couldn't really understand what they were saying - but that is an interesting feeling no doubt.)

So in conclusion, I have to say that was the first time really standing out there (almost in a not belonging sort of way), and will probably not be my last (seeing as though I am teaching in Thailand).