Island sick?

Well its been a while since I last posted and I guess I should post again.  I would like to apologize for such a long wait, but my computer's motherboard decided to pass away.  So I held a funeral for it at the Mac Care shop in Chiang Mai, Thailand.  (Oh, I should update you, right now, I'm teaching English at a government school in the mountains of the Chiang Rai province in northern Thailand).  And now my computer is fixed (like a Mac Frankenstein!) and running perfectly!  So thank you guys at the Mac Care shop - ITS ALIVE!! ITS A-A-ALIVE!!

Combine - 7 years old

Abraham - 5 years old

So lately I've been kind of moody, kind of day-dreaming, and kind of wondering what if...  And now that I am away from Utrik, I feel that I need to go back and that it was a mistake to leave.  What if I stayed and did an extra year?  But at the same time, I needed to leave.  But now I have this overwhelming urge to venture back into my old life. I sometimes find myself conversing in my very broken Marshallese, when I know I should be learning Thai.  I imagine my little brothers here with me - Abraham and Combine.  I see them as students in my school here.  (And then I start laughing to myself and the other teachers look at me like I am crazy.  Maybe I already am?) I often day-dream about what it would be like to take one of them home with me (and home meaning the United States).  I often dream about Combine sitting in an American class, or I often dream about me living back on Utrik.  I see pictures and events run through my head (with a marathon pace) and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get rid of them.  I miss Utrik terribly.  And I want to go back. (or try to bring Utrik to me)  And its getting weird because now I start to smell the smells of the island.  I'll be teaching and all of the sudden, it starts to smell like copra or it will start to smell like the lagoon (which is pretty weird because there is no ocean where I'm at).  And one of my third grade students looks like Combine - which is really starting to freak me out.  I'm just hoping that one of these days I don't actually call him Combine in class.  That poor kid would be so confused.

So I don't know what to call this disease, this sickness.  Is it home sick?  Because I would not call Utrik my home.  The United States will always be my home, but Utrik will always hold a special place in my heart - particularly my host family and especially those two boys.  There were times when I acted like a mother (yeah, I tested out my mothering skills - I called it Rent-A-Child), and I really loved them.

Don't get me wrong, there were things about Utrik that I would personally not like to experience again - for example the boyfriend/movie dude hammer incident and situational starvation (although now I know I can consume clear jello/mush and live to tell about it).  And there are somethings in Thailand that I love and I am glad to be experiencing them right now (interesting comparisons - the students in Thailand can behave themselves.  They can sit for long periods of time and not have to throw rocks at each other.  And the teachers actually come to school and do their jobs and are qualified to do them. But when asked whose English levels are better, I'm going to have to say the Marshallese.  Only because all the of text books are in English.  So the students are learning science in English, social studies in English, and so on.  So the students are learning English and other subjects at the same time all the time.  That is not the case here in Thailand.  Just thought you should know.)  So this puts me at a difficult spot.  Do I stay or do I go now? (name that song!)

So I guess what I am trying to say is, I'm island sick.  Is there a medicine or some prescription to fix this?